My goals from last week were good. One of my new goals I have for this coming week are to be prepared with activities to take up my teaching time (the 2 1/2 days I'll be teaching is very haphazard with Thanksgiving activities taking up the whole time according to the lesson plans that the First Grade Team created). I'm planning on read alouds, cut & paste activities, singing stuff, etc. Another goal I have is to make it to Wednesday afternoon and then take books home and plan out the next week so that I can enjoy my holiday. I need to see family or maybe just get this placement off my mind. Two and a half days seems like it'll be the longest week regardless.
One word to describe my week: blank. Nothing I do is good enough, and even if I have an amazing teaching day, the littlest weakness is being pinpointed. I don't know if I'm going to make it through. Honestly. I've been getting comments that a few things I've forgotten could lead to me being kicked out of the school.
Well, unless it's in God's plan for me to fail, after all these years invested, money invested, heart invested in learning and teaching, then the result she thinks is inevitable will not come to pass. I'm just going to try paying even more attention to every detail. I'm like part of a circus, trying to make sure I jump through all the hoops. And even then it's not good enough, I need to move faster and jump higher.
The prompts.
A lesson I taught this week that successfully engaged my students was a phonics lesson that we had. (there were a few more, but this was my number 1) I reviewed a few words on the board to remind them of what we'd been working on during the week: sh & th blends, and the a sound in ball. Then we listened to the Phonics song which they loved and I displayed the words on a big chart on the board. Then kids came up and identified words that contained the blends or a sound. They loved singing the song, and it was such a great time with me and them. We listened to it play through a few times.
During my teaching I adjusted my strategies by letting them hear the song more times than I had planned, and then I asked them to listen for the sh/th/a sounds. It's a good preview, and they were motivated to come up and identify the sounds. I was able to be myself, be silly with them, and yet maintain order. These kids are just the sweetest.
I don't need any feedback. My supervisor knows everything, and one of my goals right now is to stay in constant contact. Any communication I have that is questionable I will be forwarding to her and possibly my seminar instructor. The refrain of my communication with this CT is repetitive. Anything that happens I'll be emailing/communicating so that there's notice of the situation that's transpiring. I can definitely say that I never thought it would be like this. There's just no fixing it. Anything I try to say to defend myself or explain myself is shut down, and so I'm left without an advocate. I just keep my mouth shut, which may be putting me in a bad light as well. I feel like I can't win though, so it's better to just shut my mouth and hope I'm still able to graduate in December.
I'm still trying my best, but the last few days I've been so _______. That's why I said blank. I'm just trying to trudge through and enjoy my time teaching the kids, as well as make sure I remember every little OCD detail of all of her systems in her room so that the constant corrections die down. But like I said, that's highly unlikely to happen. The upside: she's been leaving the room and that's helping me to feel so much more confident and I feel able to practice what I'm learning without a critical eye on me.
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